You Never Really Know

Some people can perfectly balance their blogs with humor, soap box preaching, pictures and bragging. I on the other hand cannot. I am very sorry, I will work on adding more pictures and bragging, but I am not a funny person and I am afraid humor might be out of the question. I am afraid I usually only get on when I have something to vent and this, my dear friend (because let’s face it, I only have one person who reads my blog), is one of those times. This post is full of soap box preaching again, with country music thrown in for an extra dose of sappy.

I've been thinking lately about a day that I will forever remember. A day that even if, or should I say when, I get Alzheimer's and forget who I am, this day will be a story I tell over and over, because of the pain and emotions involved I can't forget.

I had just found out two days before that the precious baby I was pregnant with had died. I was having a miscarriage. I was heart broken! Devastated! The first day I spent in my bed crying uncontrollably. I felt as if my heart had been ripped from my chest and I had an empty hole in its place. I couldn't breathe and kept gasping for air because even breathing had become a struggle and too much for me to handle. My husband had to go back to work the next day and I was left on my own with my other kids who all needed me. I stayed up all night crying, but I kept telling myself that I only had until the next morning because then I had to take care of my kids.

That morning I got out of bed and decided I had to try to forget about the miscarriage so I could somehow make it through my day. I spent the day replacing pain with everything on my to do list. When I found myself rubbing my chest hoping to get my heart beating again, I'd hurry and read a book to my toddler and when I'd gasp for air and realize I'd been holding my breath because I'd forgotten to breathe, I'd unload or reload the dishwasher. It was all I could do to survive.

I filled my days, with kids, chores, homework and lots of comfort food.

Then at about 9:00 o’clock that night, after I had dropped off the last of my kids’ friends, I found myself waiting at a red light. I was all by myself with nothing else to distract me from my pain. I had to stop and actually listen to my own thoughts. I was trying to not break down, because I still had to drive, but I was so very sad. As I sat totally lost in my thoughts, a car behind me honked. I looked and realized that I had sat through the green light. I hadn't even noticed that a car had pulled up or that the light was green and I could have gone. The driver of the white SUV behind me wasn’t happy and showed it by pulling up next to me in the other turn lane. She wasn't happy and did her best to yell at me with her words and gestures. I was so sad it was like she didn't even exist. My pain was far worse than anything she could say or do to me now. I said out loud, even though she couldn't hear me, "I am sorry."

I’m sure that if this lady had known what I was going through and if she had understood what I was dealing with, she would have treated me differently. I have no doubt that this lady would have been very nice and understanding if she had known the whole story. My side of the story. Really, I only know my side of the story. Maybe she had been working all day and was late to a very important meeting; maybe her kids were waiting for her in the cold; maybe she was sick or just had a really bad day. I was never mad. It actually made me think of a really sappy country song by Sawyer Brown, "They Don't Understand" that used to seem farfetched until I lived it.

I do not want your sympathy.  I don't tell you this story for your pity, but I do have a request. It's not a simple request, although it should be. Please don't judge. Please give people the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes it’s not easy because the facts as you see them seem to out weigh any doubt. I can promise though, that 99% of the time you will be missing one simple piece of the puzzle. One simple thing that when you know or understand, it changes the whole one-sided story. People are good, people care and no one is perfect. We all make mistakes, we all have flaws and I guarantee we will all make mistakes and will add even more flaws to ourselves in the future. So why can't we all play nice? Why is it so hard to not judge? Why do people find it easier to get mad, to yell and call names? Or even worse, they don't say anything to the person who made them mad to hear their side but instead they spread only one side of the story to everyone who will listen. Then even more people judge and treat the "offender" poorly when in reality it was all a misunderstanding.

The chorus of the country song says....

"Everybody's busy with their own situation,

Everybody's lost in their own little world

Bottled up, hurry it up, trying to make a dream come true.

They don't understand.

Everybody's living like there ain't no tomorrow.

Maybe we should stop and take a little time.

‘Cause you never really know what your neighbor's going through.

They don't understand."

I am not perfect and I am sorry if I have been one to offend you, made you mad or done something you don't agree with. I am trying to live each day a little better than the one before. I'm trying to make me a stronger, kinder, more Christ-like person. I will make mistakes and I am so sorry. I hope you can forgive me and give me the benefit of the doubt and I promise you I will give you the same love and respect. I won't expect you to be perfect if you try to understand I
am not either.

Life is good!! Life is great!! That’s what makes life so worth getting up for, when we all love each other.

That’s all. Now let’s all go listen to some country music and eat comfort food.